big decision

So, I've been thinking. a lot. and....I'm about 95% sure that I don't want to be a veterinarian.

we all know I hate vet school, right? common knowledge. I've thought of dropping out many times before, but I always told myself that it will be better in clinics, just survive through x amount of time, and everything will be better, because I just hate the classroom environment, and besides, I would probably regret it for the rest of my life if I quit. however, lately I have realized that it's not just the classroom environment that I hate. it's veterinary medicine. I guess hate is a bit strong of a word for it. but I really don't like it at all. it's not what I thought it was going to be as a naive country girl from alabama. instead, it sucks. there's sooo much to know, which would be fine, except it's not interesting to me. parts of it are, but for the most part, I really don't like medicine. I love surgery, but I have no interest in being a surgeon, because then I would lose the client/doctor relationship, which is the part of vet med that is actually appealing to me. I don't care about saving animals (well, relatively speaking, of course!)...I care about people. positively impacting people's lives. and while I realize that veterinarians DO positively influence people's lives, I don't think that's the way that I should do it. I'm too much of a people person. I keep imagining myself as a veterinarian...going into and out of exam rooms all day...every day...and thinking about all this junk that I'm *supposedly* learning now...and forming very few actual relationships with the people I interact with, and it's just not a happy picture!

So what do I want to do instead? I've always had two backup plans: teaching and nursing. Well, several months ago I started feeling like I should work with youth...so I thought, "ok, I'll find a position as a youth director once I get out." but now I'm feeling more like that should be my career. nursing is completely not an option anymore, which is strange, b/c it used to be backup plan A. I think I would enjoy teaching. I've always loved the idea of teaching; I was even hoping to make my clinic one that people would want to come to on externships because I wanted to teach....just didn't think I'd like it as a career. But now it's seeming like quite the appealing option. I could work with young people, many of whom need a positive role model, every day, and form relationships with these people that could possibly influence their lives in a positive way...much more of a positive way than fixing a dog! plus, the work hours would be quite condusive to raising a family and being otherwise involved in the community, which are very important to me. So I'm thinking bachelors in secondary education with a science emphasis, and a masters or phd in elementary ed, in case I get bored with high school! 

But I don't want to abandon animals altogether. My plan for vet med was to start a boarding facility/pet store while working for another vet, and use my store to segue into my own clinic when I was ready to be on my own. I'd still like to own that boarding facility/pet store. It would actually work QUITE well with teaching, because the busy times for boarding facilities are when school is out, and I would, of course, have a manager to run the place while school was in session, and be able to actually work during breaks from school....

right now, the plan is to finish the semester and then decide....with any luck, I'll flunk out before then, so I can get on with my life! I'm just too scared to quit in the middle of the semester...it's already been paid for, so might as well take a few more months to think about it...and hopefully get up to 100% sure before I have to make it official. I doubt that will happen, but it'd be nice...just really really scary to abandon a 15 year dream...even if it wasn't what I thought it would be!

ok...I actually just meant this as an announcement of sorts, but I actually feel much better after putting it all down...sorry if it's not coherent..didn't proof it, and I'm not going to...anyway...thanks for "listening"

stupid life!

ok I have a xanga now! but I probably won't use it!